TOP 10 LIST:
RESULTS OF DOING A BAD JOB ON THE SELF-STUDY

* 10. We’d only get transfer students from other unaccredited schools, like the Norman Bates School of Hospitality and Taxidermy
* 9. We’d eliminate the problem of our students transferring to other schools
* 8. We’d be listed below several community and technical colleges and possibly even below Talk Radio’s COOO (College of Outrageous and Obnoxious Observations) in the next edition of U.S. World & News Report
* 7. We wouldn’t have to worry about writing recommendation letters for graduate schools
* 6. We’d spend a lot less time on search committees
* 5. We’d get even less governmental funding
* 4. Students would get to work more—just not on campus (no federal financial aid and no work study)
* 3. We’d be absolutely distinctive — the only unaccredited public school in the Midwest
* 2. Parking problems will be solved [Simple formula: fewer students = fewer faculty & staff = better parking]
* 1. We’ll get to do it all over again — only next time will be not nearly as much fun

Presented at the HLC/NCA all campus workshop, Agu 29, 2006